Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Puerco Pibil So Good You Might Just Die For It.

So last week I had a dream about Puerco Pibil. Yes, I know, one of these things is not like the other. That whole "omg, don't I look, like, so effing hot in my rainbow colored LuluLemon yoga pants and drinking my gluten-free sugar-free (fun-free) totally organic freshly squeezed green juice omg I hafta, like, totally IG this and send it to my BFF because its the best thing since baby unicorns and fat-free froyo #blessed" thing is just not my bag, baby. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against trying to eat clean and be healthy - but I hate how people act like lemmings and jump into a diet or "lifestyle" trend just because it is touted by a few popular girls as the new black. Sure, I drink green smoothies on occasion and work out - its just not obsessive. You know what is sexy? A girl eating a nice piece of bloody meat. Yes, like, literally, BLOODY. A girl who can eat a nice steak is fucking sexy...and unfortunately, a dying breed. So, anyways, I made Puerco Pibil. Cochinita Pibil. Whatever you want to call it, it is damn delicious. I don't know about you, but if I had my way, every man on the planet would learn how to prepare Puerco Pibil. In fact, it should be a prerequisite before marriage. This is one of those recipes that will become an instant classic from the first time you take it out of your oven. Do you want to know what heaven smells like? Prepare this and then get back to me. This is that good. Even if you don't consider yourself a great cook, try this. Effort is minimal and the payoff is well worth it! Perfect date night dish in my opinion...I mean, is there anything more beautiful? 

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a thing for Robert Rodriguez. But really, can you blame me? The guy behind El and Cherry Darling? I mean, come on, El is the coolest character of all time...and Rodriguez is pretty fucking cool himself. And I just discovered the coolest thing about him - the man can cook. If that isn't a turn on, I don't know what is. In his own words:

"Not knowing how to cook is like 
not knowing how to fuck..." 
- Robert Rodriguez

I'll just leave this right here...

Puerco Pibil (Cochinita Pibil)
 by Robert Rodriguez

  • 5 pounds pork butt, cut into 2 inch cubes
  • 5 tablespoons annato seeds (achiote)
  • 2 teaspoons cumin seeds
  • 1 tablespoon whole black peppercorns
  • 1/2 teaspoon whole cloves
  • 8 whole allspice berries
  • 2 habanero peppers, cleaned and diced
  • 1/2 cup orange juice
  • 1/2 cup white vinegar
  • 8 garlic cloves
  • 2 tablespoons salt
  • 5 lemons (I used limes)
  • 1 shot of tequila
  • banana leaves (optional)

Preparation Instructions
Grind the annato seeds, cumin seeds, whole peppercorns, whole cloves, and whole allspice in a mortar and pestle, molcajete y tejolote, spice grinder or coffee grinder.
Blend the cleaned and chopped habanero peppers with the orange juice, vinegar, garlic and salt.
Mix the dry spices with the liquid.
Add the juice of 5 lemons and a nice splash of tequila.
Place the cubed pork butt in a large zip lock bag and add the marinade. Soak 4-6 hours, in refrigerator, turning several times.
Line (8x13) baking pan with banana leaves. Pour in pork along with the marinade. Cover with Banana leaves and seal the pan with foil. Bake in a 325 F degree oven for 4 hours.

Serve at your own risk (preferably with pickled red onion and a ton of good tequila)

Comrade Von Pussycat

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