Wednesday, April 9, 2014
You're So Vain...
It's funny. I didn't feel beautiful until I was twenty-two years old. I remember, it was such a light-bulb moment, an epiphany. Now that I have self confidence (finally! It took me nearly thirty years!), I can feel the heat of strange eyes upon me, and I feel the judgmental stares..."who does she think she is?"..."she isn't even that pretty"...I can sense the truth when I look into their eyes. The funny thing is that I would never believe that I am what they think I am...I never volunteered to be scrutinized, however, I finally decided to embrace the fact that I can't escape attention, no matter how hard I try, and I have had to make peace with agoraphobia and have tried to put my best face forward... every day I can muster the strength to do so. There are days when I feel completely unprepared to face the world...sometimes it is difficult for me to even remember how to put one foot in front of the other. I realize that dressing in a 1940's style will garner more attention than I care to deal with, however, I refuse to sacrifice any part of me to ward off attention...however unwanted it may be.
" You look like you're straight out of the 19th century. That's deep."
- Stranger at the train station
Comrade Von Pussycat