Wednesday, April 9, 2014

You're So Vain...

It's funny. I didn't feel beautiful until I was twenty-two years old. I remember, it was such a light-bulb moment, an epiphany. Now that I have self confidence (finally! It took me nearly thirty years!), I can feel the heat of strange eyes upon me, and I feel the judgmental stares..."who does she think she is?"..."she isn't even that pretty"...I can sense the truth when I look into their eyes. The funny thing is that I would never believe that I am what they think I am...I never volunteered to be scrutinized, however, I finally decided to embrace the fact that I can't escape attention, no matter how hard I try, and I have had to make peace with agoraphobia and have tried to put my best face forward... every day I can muster the strength to do so. There are days when I feel completely unprepared to face the world...sometimes it is difficult for me to even remember how to put one foot in front of the other. I realize that dressing in a 1940's style will garner more attention than I care to deal with, however, I refuse to sacrifice any part of me to ward off attention...however unwanted it may be. 
" You look like you're straight out of the 19th century. That's deep."
- Stranger at the train station

Comrade Von Pussycat


  1. As women, we are taught to be beautiful but not be confident about ourselves. Its such a double standard and I am sick of it. I get tired of all the girl-hate and girl-bashing. Im guilty of doing both those things and am changing my point of view about it. No two people are the same and never will be. I know I will never be a size 7 and Im okay with that. I want to be happy with who I am and my husband loves me as I am.

    I also don't want to raise children (when I have children) to judge others by how they look or dress. This society is horrible enough that sometimes I wonder about having children.

    1. I completely agree with you, Mariela. I abhor the fact that women are taught by society to view one another as competition, instead of creating a sense of camaraderie among our sex. It is revolting. I have had so few female friends due to this fact, and it is disheartening. I wish society would promote a variety of beauty standards and appreciation for eccentricities. The older I get, the more I feel that society is becoming more and more obsessed with artifice and an artificial standard of beauty, and it really worries me, especially where young minds are concerned. This is another topic of discussion, but it disturbs me that I have met guys who think that natural breasts are disgusting (their words, not mine), that girls should wear bodycon dresses and show everything to attract them, and that you should overall look like a Barbie doll. It is such a disturbing trend, and I fear for the sanity of the next few generations. Hell, I fear for my own sanity!

    2. It is also saddening that society places so much importance on appearance these days, instead of other, deeper of my favorite quotes is by Leo Tolstoy, where is says:

      "How strange it is to suppose that beauty is goodness"

      That pretty much sums it up in one sentence!


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